Languishing

How have you felt lately? Really?

Good? I am happy for you. Depressed and hopeless? I sincerely hope that you are seeking help and on the road to recovery. The rest of you? My hunch is that you may be feeling a little flat, not motivated, and “meh”. This is weird, right? Vaccines are here, many of us are back to work, things are opening up a little bit, and the warm sunshine of spring and the promise of summertime should be brightening our days. Why then, do we still feel a lack of motivation, have trouble concentrating and find it challenging to focus on the things that matter to us?

Adam Grant, an organizational psychologist at Wharton, addressed all this in his April 19, 2021 article There’s a Name for the Blah You’re Feeling: It’s Called Languishing. He pointed out that we are not depressed or hopeless. We are not impaired. We are functioning daily. We are not burned out. There is just little joy and we feel aimless at times. We lack anticipation for the good things that we used to look forward to.

According to Grant, languishing is a sense of stagnation and emptiness. We are muddling through, and as some of my patients have said in the past “existing but not really living”. Many of us who have had COVID and recovered or those who have not had the illness at all are struggling not with long COVID syndrome, but with “the emotional long haul of the pandemic”.

Think back to early spring 2020. We were all a bit frightened, unsure of what was happening in the world around us that was heading our way. Back then, according to Grant, our natural threat detection system was “on high alert for fight or flight”. We learned that masks were helpful, but we were still scrubbing surfaces and sanitizing our groceries. We developed crude routines that “helped ease our sense of dread”. The problem is that as time has gone by, our acute state of anguish “has given way to a chronic condition of languish”. As languishing is squarely between depression and flourishing, we don’t feel bad but neither do we feel back to our pre-pandemic good either. Grant says that “you’re not functioning at full capacity. Languishing dulls your motivation, disrupts your ability to focus, and triples the odds that you’ll cut back on work”.

The term was coined by a sociologist named Corey Keyes. According to the article, his research suggests that these who are languishing today are going to be at much higher risk of developing depression and anxiety over the next decade. That second great pandemic wave you’ve heard about? It may be psychological, not purely medical. Grant also says something about languishing that hit me: “You’re indifferent to your indifference.” You may not even realize how slowly you are sliding into the malaise.

So, what do we do with all of this? Grant says that one of the best ways to handle emotions is to name them. In the spring of 2020, we were all obviously experiencing acute grief, from loss of loved ones to loss of freedoms to loss of routine to loss of income. So many losses. Now, we learn that we are languishing, and naming it may be the first step in battling our way out of it. Languishing is “common and shared” and just knowing that may give us the ability to bestow a little grace not only on others but on ourselves.

What next? Focus. Relearn, if you must, how to pay attention to the things that are important to you. I am the worst when it comes to this, so believe me when I say I am not preaching to you. Grant says in his article that “computers are made for parallel processing, but humans are better off serial processing”. Simply put this means do not try to multitask! Again, I have five or ten or fifteen things that I must do, want to do, love to do, and I delude myself into thinking that I can do five of them at a time extremely well, but this is simply not true. Pick something, make it realistic and doable, and put your whole focus into it. You’ll feel much more accomplished and maybe even happy if you do!

Set boundaries and block out time for yourself. A colleague and I were talking about this by email just this morning. We need processing time, thinking time, planning time. I know it is hard to come by when you are working from home, taking care of the kids and responding to emails and Zoom invitations all day, but it is worth aiming for.

Grant tells us to focus on small goals. “Try starting with small wins”, because the pandemic was such a big loss to us all. Don’t be too easy on yourself though. Pick something moderately challenging sometimes. “The most important factor in daily joy an motivation is a sense of progress.” Do things that matter to you.

The article finishes up by acknowledging that “languishing is not merely in our heads-it’s in our circumstances”. “Not depressed doesn’t mean you are not struggling.” As one of my patients told me that other day (I told him I would steal this and he agreed), “Just because I am smart and can articulate what is going on with me does not mean that I can fix it.” Don’t let yourself languish, isolate and fall into the pandemic abyss. Use the tools outlined in this article, use your support systems, and get professional help if you need it. We are so close, and we will get there together.