I have been talking with friends, family members, and patients over the last several months about our lives in 2020. We continue to try to describe what it feels like for each of us to live in the middle of the biggest pandemic in the last hundred years. We talk about the things that we have all been feeling: the sense of loss, grief over the changes in our normal lives, the lack of social interactions with others, the inability to participate in things that used to give us joy, and the lack of certainty that pervades every aspect of our lives. We talk about how these stressors have changed the way we work, play and interact with others. We talk of the longing for things to get back to the normal, the predictable, and the reassuring. Almost everyone I know feels less confident, less powerful and less able to influence his environment since the start of this pandemic. We have been shrinking into ourselves, staying at home more and shunning the very social interactions that make us fully human.
There is a phrase that I am sure you’ve heard before. Fake it until you make it. This idea probably goes back to at least Alfred Adler in the 1920s. According to Wikipedia, Adler developed a therapeutic technique that he called “acting as if”, which allowed his clients to practice alternative behaviors that would help them to change dysfunctional patterns. You may know this technique by its more modern name still used today, “role play”. Fake it until you make it leads us to imitate confidence, competence and a positive optimistic mindset until we can actually achieve these things in our real lives.
Wikipedia offers another way to look at this, attributed to William James:
“Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.
Thus the sovereign voluntary path to cheerfulness, if our spontaneous cheerfulness be lost, is to sit up cheerfully, to look round cheerfully, and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there. If such conduct does not make you soon feel cheerful, nothing else on that occasion can. So to feel brave, act as if we were brave, use all our will to that end, and a courage-fit will very likely replace the fit of fear.”
— William James, “The Gospel of Relaxation”, On Vital Reserves (1922)
Another place that I have recently found reference to this ability to fake it until we make it is in the 2016 TED talk given by Amy Cuddy. In it, she describes how body language visually telegraphs our mood and state of confidence, and how our nonvisuals impact not only those around us, but ourselves as well.
One of her main points in her talk is that we can fake it until we become it, until we can tell ourselves, “I’m really doing this!” Tiny tweaks in our behaviors can lead to big changes in our lives.
We are living in very stressful times. We are dealing on a daily basis with social upheaval, political unrest and the possibility that we might contract a deadly illness. Even without being told, we have felt ourselves shrink from daily encounters with others, decrease our normal social interactions, and forfeit many activities that give us joy. We may not feel overtly afraid, depressed and defeated, but our body language and our actions may telegraph otherwise, both to others and to ourselves.
Can we fake it until we all make it? Yes, I believe we can. Listen to and act on the recommendations by the CDC. Wash your hands. Wear a mask when you leave your home. Observe social distancing recommendations. Be smart about how and when you interact with others both indoors and out. This pandemic is fueled by the spread of a tiny virus that will stop spreading when it is deprived of new hosts. Our behaviors, coupled with the eventual development of viable, effective, safe and reliable vaccines that we all choose to receive, will stop it in its tracks, and this medical nightmare will finally be history. Until then, even if you feel deprived, depressed and distanced from the people and things that make life worth living, fake it until you make it.